Redeem: 7

Recently someone asked me something along the lines of this:

How can you be a leader and an introvert?

I laughed; and then I considered.
Yes, how exactly?
And the answer that came was this:

I listen. Above all things, I listen.
And I hear where the thing is asking to go.
And then I dig in my heels and drive it forward
by the sheer force of my will...
Which is to say: I guide it to be what it already is,
quiet yes but stubborn.


Now, Here's a factor of my life:

Every day is different, filled with chunks of different.
I move along from one thing to the next,
switch my brain, back and forth.

Sometimes I can get away with my quiet introvert self,
just rolling around in the background.
But some days I am called to be a leader,
and my tendency is to shut down, back way down, back myself away.

Today is one of those days.

And I sit with the Lord this morning and tell Him:
Not sure how to deal with today,
shutting down over here!

And He leads me straight through it,
though at first it makes no sense,
though at first I try to turn to my own understanding,
until I get to the place where I hear what He's saying:

Follow My Lead, and Listen.

I remember those years of losing all words,
blanketed by quiet so deep;
the training ground for knowing how
to trust in the purpose of wait.

In those years I listened long but couldn't hear,
my soul a growing wreck.
When all understanding was lost and stripped,
I learned: Your voice. It's all I need.

To listen is to honor the one who needs to speak,
the humbling of my own understanding
which is not what it seems (complete).

I remember all of this, today,
where leading overwhelms me;
I'll listen, I'll honor, I'll learn what I need,
and then with confidence I will step.

[And I don't really know why I'm telling you this;
I am trusting that when it comes to you the knowing
(that-easily-turns-toward-controlling)
is not the thing I need.
I have learned this too, in the purpose of the wait.]

[redeem, verb: to free from what distresses or harms; to release from blame or debt; to regain possession or recover ownership; 

to convert, restore, atone; to save]