Growth: 19

I have been thinking a lot about this...

I hold a PhD, yes.
I earned it, I fought for it,
but why did I want it?

I wanted to know more,
in order to apply it.

But if we dial it back...
did I even want it at all?
Or did I just need something to do,
inside of the pit of lost?

And if we dial it up to the moment of now...
There is all of this obligation,
all of this inherent expectation,
all of this "You should change the world"
that has crept in over time...

That I do not want.
I do not want it.
I do not.

I know more now,
and I have been thinking a lot about this...
To apply it
still is all I really want.

Right here; now.

[grow, verb: to increase in size or substance; 

to spring up; to develop to maturity]