The nature of knowing all is well

So here I sit, on the cusp of my last weekend pre-comps.  

It's been awhile in coming--has anyone kept track of how many times the day has changed? 

Let us trace the history:  

Oh wait, I can't.  It's changed so many times I can't remember.  Plus, my brain is fuzzy.

Why is my brain fuzzy, you ask?

Oh, I don't know.  Because I've been studying like a little maniac for approximately the past 3 weeks?

Yes.  Yes, that would be the reason.  

But now--we're finally here:

All the information there's any chance of my knowing has been assembled onto these papers and cards, and is in the process of being transferred to my computer.

Just so that I know that I know.

So that I can trace the history of my studying and be able to say:

I understand.  

This stuff is not outside of me anymore--it's a part  of me.  It is me.  

And can walk into that room on Monday (and again on Tuesday) saying to myself:

Baby, all will be well.

But there's more to this journey than a pile of papers and a box of index cards.

There's a greater History here:

My history with a God who has made my paths straight, 

a God who uses everything and has made sure that I know it.  

A God who has called me for a purpose I can't even fathom, 

and has reminded me that above and beyond all of these silly preparations there is something so much more, because the real history is this:

When You said "Seek my face", my heart said to You "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek".

And because the nature of that history is to know that I know.
To understand:

Yes.  All is well--
To God be the glory.

Allow me to explain

If you are my friend, and you are wondering why I have disappeared over the past little while, please allow me to set the record straight:

I am freaking out!!!!!

and am clearly concerned about it.  

(Thanks Adam, for capturing such a lovely image.)

You see, my comprehensive exams arrive 

in exactly 11 days from today.

And they will be

comprehensive!!!!!

and so: freaking out.  

Because there doesn't seem to be enough time to remind myself of everything I've learned or thought about in the past 3 years, and because I am a self-acclaimed overachiever x 1,000+.  

And because all other aspects of life must go on despite this insistent need to study:

teaching to do, a dentist to visit, articles to write, facebook to check, concerts to play, bills to pay, emails to read, students to supervise, voicemails to listen to, meetings to partake in, exercise to have, rehearsals to be at, texts to respond to, bathrooms to clean, people to engage with, papers to grade, showers to take, birthday treats to bake.

Oh, and sleep, which tends to occur when my eyes won't stay open and not to occur when my eyes won't close, and which does not follow any type of pattern you might expect...

...which explains why I recently found myself at Walmart at 4:28 on the wrong side of the sun.

(A phenomenon, by the way, I highly recommend you explore for yourself sometime...)

Because, did I mention? There is also food to buy.  

(Because--as my mother continuously reminds me--

"you have to eat!".  Yes mother.)

And so I have been chugging along, until this morning, 

when I had a revelation:

No.  The blondies are not the revelation.  (I wish.)

The revelation occurred as I went to cut those blondies.  

My typical approach to cutting pretty much anything is

haphazard!!!!!!!

but, concerned about having enough of this birthday treat to go around this afternoon I thought to myself:

"Cut it in half, and then cut it in half again.  

You will get 16 perfectly shaped little squares, 

and everyone will be happy."

And then, the

revelation!!!!!!

Cut it in half, and then cut it in half again.

Take it one little piece at a time.

And you will be

Much. Happier.


So, don't worry dear friends.  Soon it will be over.  I will re-emerge.  And I will make up to you the fact that I have ignored you--
perhaps with a nicely shaped and perfectly cut happy little blondie.  


(Because see?  Maybe I have learned something.....)

I highly recommend....

...when life has you freaking out, that you go and get yourself with people who a) know you, b) love you for who you are,

and c) will buy you a pumpkin of your very own to carve.

Yes, Baxter time provides all of the above,

and then some:

The exuberance of Simon, 

the boy with the sweetest smile and a heart to match.

The entertainment of Nathan, 

the boy who impresses us with what he does not know he can do.

And the easiness of Adam, the boy who knows how to make you feel important when you've given him no cause.

There is also, of course, the patience that is Brent

[sorry Brent, this is the only picture I had for evidence...],

the requisite game of Apples to Apples,

and the making of a special dinner with Andrea.

Which, lest you think I forgot, brings me to:

Andrea.

My friend.

She cares for me, she listens to me, she laughs at my corniness.  She provides for me, encourages me, and allows me just to be.  

She is one of my favorite gifts. 

Much like Baxter time is some of my favorite time--

as I said, I highly recommend it!