Ah, Summer...You are Luxurious.

Summer is glorious, and living an academic life means I get to use it to the best of my advantage. Let me show you how:








Each morning begins with some quality time with my new computer.
We have come to care for each other deeply, and continuously revel in the good fortune that brought us together.










Then, I head outside with my coffee to my chairs. I have been reflecting recently on what it means to seek the kingdom of God in all areas of my life, and also on how sometimes the things of God that need to be sought are hidden from us. Seeking hidden things requires quiet. It requires luxurious amounts of time. It is perfect for summer.

Later in the afternoon usually finds me back here, with stacks of books and articles, reading and reflecting on what I will need to know for my comprehensive exams. (I have decided that comprehensive exams are scary, but manageable--if one has coffee and adirondack chairs readily available that is.)




At some point in the day I gather with friends. Some gatherings are well thought out, others are completely spontaneous.










All are rewarding. Fun. Soul reviving.








(Luxurious.)








I have done oodles of laundry,

cleaned out my closets,










put away sweaters and gotten out skirts.










I have been visited by Dixie.

(Notice I am not mentioning the oodles of laundry laying on the ground in a heap. That is not luxurious).








I have scrubbed nooks and crannies, mopped my floors, rearranged my furniture.

I have worked on a project involving gigantic sheets of paper that have become the bane of my existence, and yet provide me the summer funding that allows me to claim a life of luxury.







I have baked yummy treats,

for myself and for others.

And, I have spent some prolonged periods of time with this old friend, preparing for a concert that you can probably read about here in just a few days. (Stay tuned.....) The luxury of this was not lost on me when today I listened to myself play and thought "baby, maybe you haven't lost it after all....you just needed some quality time to get it going again....".

It is luxurious to drown in sound, and to feel my fingers fly.

I do not know why my life is so perfectly suited to my temperament. I do not know why God has chosen to allow me space to think, to converse, to reflect, to laugh, to love. I do not know why I am allowed to just be. I do know, however, that I love it. And that I am grateful.

Ah Summer--you are indeed luxurious.

Reveal what Friends are For

The following picture is of my good friend Heather with her neighborhood support team. Over the past year these women have built a community that naturally and at the drop of a hat provides mothering, nurturing, friendship, a listening ear, and anything else to anyone who needs it.

It is amazing to see. They have spoken into and observed each other's lives.

And so, recently Heather wrote an essay about our friend Jenn (seen here in the stunning red dress) detailing why Jenn deserved to win a Mother's Day Makeover Contest.

And guess what?Jenn won.

All day today Jenn was treated like royalty, with Heather along for moral support.

(You can read a bit about it here, on Heather's blog: http://livewithflair.blogspot.com/2010/05/you-never-know-when-limousine-will-show.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+LiveWithFlair+(Live+with+Flair Don't worry, the blog itself is not as long as the link that gets you there....)

Tonight, we celebrated with Jenn at her Reveal Party.

Modeled after various TV shows, held at a local restaurant, and raising money for a local charity, Jenn's party involved getting a bit gussied up ourselves.

And then, since Heather was busy with her "friend of the star and writer of the essay" role, my role for the evening involved entertaining her youngest child:

Katela.

(Pronounced Kate-a-la.)

Doesn't she look angelic?

(That's why she's also known as "Cute-a-la".)

We started off with some basic "can I take pictures with your camera?" entertainment,

and this is what we got:

(this is where it really starts to get worse...)

(though I chose not to include the numerous pictures of people's rear-ends....)Then, when we had exhausted all possibilities of "Lauren looks ridiculous", we thought it might be fun to take a picture together.

This is what ensued:

Troub-a-la.

(She has a sneaky side that one, and is a little prankster.)

She'd start off sitting pretty, and then....

You can figure out the rest for yourself.
Just look at this face:

(This, after almost knocking over a waitress . She is tickled nearly as pink as her dress.)



But, alas, the need for entertainment of Kate/Cute/Troub-a-la was over before we knew it when the real entertainment began. Heather gave a small and touching tribute to the inspiration that Jenn is to all who know her.



She shared the story of how Jenn had not that long ago asked God to amaze her, and had written in her journal a list of the things that were overwhelming her. A list of the things she felt she needed help with.









Guess what the winner of the contest recieved?

Everything--point for point--that Jenn had included on her list.

Weird? Hardly.

God.

And so, tonight's celebration not only revealed Jenn's new look--it also revealed what it looks like to live and grow in a neighborhood of women who support each other enough to spend the evening dancing away together. It revealed how it takes a village to love and nurture each other's children. It revealed the courageous faith of a friend who wrote an essay celebrating a woman who reveals grace every day to those around her with her gentle spirit and loving heart. And it revealed the faithfulness of a God who hears our hearts, and inexplicably goes out of His way to encourage them.

It revealed--quite eloquently--that this is what friends are for.

Transitions Get Me--Every Time.

I am a 31 year old woman. Ever since I have legally been an adult, I have lived an academic life. My calendar is defined by semesters. My semesters are defined by new schedules, new routines. My change of semesters are defined by transitions. And those transitions take me by surprise--

every. single. time.

I like to think that I am entirely self-aware. I do, after all, spend an inordinate amount of time either in my head or being talked out of my head by those who know and love me well. I do, after all, psycho-analyze myself to the highest possible degree whenever I sense the smallest amount of instability anywhere in my being. I do--after all--like to think that I am consistently and constantly aware of instability.

And--most of the time? I am. Aware. Processing. Stable. All those good things. Except for? Transitions.

[every dang-blasted single time.]

Today I woke up and looked back on my week of "school is done and I am free". This is what I found:

1. I have survived on toast. I recollect some peanut butter. I think it's possible there was an egg or two.
2. I have been consumed by an insatiable need to shop.
3. I have withdrawn from the world, and gone into hibernation. Not reaching out to others, barely reaching back to those who've tried to reach me, I have spent pretty much the entire week by myself.

There are good reasons for all of these things.

1. I haven't felt particularly hungry, and had no interest in food. I ate because I knew that I probably should, but I didn't really care what. Makes perfect logical sense. But at a deeper level? I can control my eating. I can't control the feeling that the whole world is shifting. Hm.
2. There would have been a time when I would have renovated my entire apartment and/or my wardrobe, but let's face facts folks: I'm a grad student. I don't make money. (I could write a whole other post about the blessings of this, but let's not get distracted here....) My shopping this week consisted of new towels. Completely justifiable new towels too, considering that the ones I have been using since I became a legal adult were given to me for high school graduation and have never lost the slightly mildewy-odor they acquired during my camp years, and because I found these new really nice towels on a ridiculous sale at Kohl's. The issue here, however, is not that I bought new towels. The issue is--what was I doing in Kohl's in the first place? Making the statement to myself and to anyone watching that it is entirely within my power to decide what I buy and what I don't. Gathering stuff to make me feel safer. Asserting control over my life. Hm.
3. There were some important things that came up this week that I needed to think about. Needed to pray about. Needed to seek God's wisdom about. You can't spend quality listening time at God's feet with a ton of chattering people around, I have found. Besides all of that, I had to write an article on a topic I knew nothing about, and there was a deadline looming. I had to gather information, I had to read it, I had to come up with something intelligible to say. This takes time. It takes quiet. People have a habit of getting in the way. But really? My default position on life--no matter how much I know in a rational and lived experience kind of way that it is not true--is that people take more from me than I get back. I feel overwhelmed by them. I feel drained of every shred of energy at the thought of talking to them. I feel like they want too much, I cannot control what they ask for, and I do not want to share with them. So if I pull away? They can't do it. I am safe. Hm.

So here I am. Hungry. The owner of some pretty nice towels. And about to re-emerge into my world.

And, though I feel a bit tricked by the power of those transitions to make me lose sight of myself? I'm grateful for an opportunity to learn more about how I work. That can only be good--

every single time.

Time to Celebrate: Katela turns 5

Meet my good friend Kate:

She is in many ways a reincarnation of me; sometimes I watch her and wonder if we are in fact the same person. Fiercely protective of ourselves, quiet observers of the world, deep thinkers--we understand each other. And we protect each other. When confronted with a crowd, Kate will sometimes put her hand on my shoulder as if to say "she's with me. she's cool." Other times, she will tuck her hand in mine and hide beside me, as if to say "I'm gonna need you to take the lead on this one".

[Not to mention, as Kate frequently does with unwavering amazement--"our eyes are the same color! We must be related!!"]

This is how we spend most of our time together:

Or:
[The child, for inexplicable reasons, loves to sit on my head.]

This past week was a big event in Kate's little life: Her 5th birthday.

And--since she has me wrapped around her little finger--my contribution to her birthday celebration was the 3D sidewalk chalk that she had asked me for on more than one occasion:

"Please Lauren, please can you get me that? It is so cool!"

Who can resist such child-like excitement?

And who can not help but feel good about life when the package is ripped open with shrieks of joy and exclamations of "thank you thank you thank you!!!!!"-- the kind that only a 5 year old can get away with?

And then, though I had spent her actual day with her, I had to come back for the Strawberry Shortcake party that occurred last evening, with a gaggle of shrieking children at the helm. I had to come back because she had routinely told me I was the only adult invited, enough so that I knew she was counting on my presence.

But I also had to come back to support Heather & Ash in the midst of shrieking children, and to see this amazing Strawberry Shortcake cake: Because, let me tell you something--

It's a big deal to turn 5.

It's a big deal to have a Strawberry Shortcake party, and to obtain 3D sidewalk chalk.



It's a big deal to be surrounded by people who love you.



And it's a big deal to be blessed with friends that have become like family.

There ain't nothing else to do but celebrate!

The End of One Thing is the Beginning of Another

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking "Wow. Lauren is SO SMART. Look at that title. She really has a way of speaking the truth."

If I were a little needier, I might let you keep thinking it. I might point out to you that I am--after all--a Ph. D. candidate. I might point out to you that I have just successfully finished a three year journey of Ph. D. coursework. I might indicate that the end of coursework means I am beginning the next step: dissertation. I might suggest that only people who are SO SMART write dissertations.

But, I won't. As much as I appreciate your generous praise, I feel I should be honest: I didn't make that title up. I'm pretty sure I stole it from somebody, anonymous as they may be.

I stole it for good reason, of course--because I am not only at the end of my doctoral coursework.

I am also at the end of a very dear relationship, and I feel the need to process it. Mourn it. Remind myself that all good things must come to an end. And all ends bring new beginnings.

You see, I am writing this little bloggy for the last time on my faithful computer of 6 years:

With me through thick and thin, through paper after paper and presentation after presentation, through blog posts and emails and the tears and laughter that come with all of these things.

Faithful.

But even the most faithful of friends age. Even the most faithful of computers s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. And even the best intentioned ones cannot alleviate the fear in the heart of a girl just waiting for things to come crashing to a halt at just the most inconvenient moment.

And so, one day in the recent past, I had a conversation with a friend about the size of this laptop I carry with me everywhere, and about the fear that its glory days were over. And then, that very day, I came home to a flyer in the mail for a good deal on a new one. Later that week I received a sizeable tax refund. And I began to think that these things might be signs pointing me in a new direction. I began to think--it just might be time to step out in faith. To begin a new relationship. To buy a new computer.

And so, I did:

It is approximately the same size but half the weight.

Faster. Sleeker. Fancier. And, in a weird coincidence (or maybe not?), exactly the same amount of money when all was said and done as that tax refund I was talking about--like, to the dollar.

But, not in my heart, as of yet.

New relationships take time, after all.

And so, on my list of things to do today?

Recover from my semester.

Put away all of these papers and books that have multiplied near my desk over the past month.

Reflect on the fact that my student journey is taking a new direction, and try not to freak myself out.

And, get to know my new friend.

Should be a good day, if I consistently remind myself:

The end of one thing is the beginning of another, and beginnings are good things.

Killer Qualley Kooistra Kicks Another Year

There is this girl, her name is Kara.

I don't know where she came from,

but she suddenly came into my life

and fit quite naturally.

I think we will keep her around.

Happy Birthday KQK

We love 'ya!