Today I am Writing: On Hope

My friend who looks for the calm behind my storm listens deep and says,

"Slow it down Lauren, slow it down."

Slow it down, he always says.

So today I sit in my office with my full whirlwind on, and I take the bagel I purchased on my way in and I eat it. Slow. I taste the jalapeno, the crust of the cheddar, the particular thread of the held together bread.

I don't think. Just taste.

I read the book that applies not at all to the questions I have (the whirlwind ones in which the pressure bulges: change the world!). It's the reflective book, the poet one. I sit in the words, let them rest in my soul spots, slow.

I don't think. I just rest.

I slow it, way the heck down.

And I find answers, blooming there.

The poet talks of hope, that "the whole of history is about hopes being sustained, lost, renewed," that "with new hopes come new theories.*" Across the hallway I listen to the group gathered to talk, their hopes being aimed toward birthing into light. "I'm in academia," I think, "I'm an artist," I think; "the cycle of birthing new theories, new hope..it's what we're doing doing, always doing..."

This helps me. Let go. Slow down. Move into the Light. Trust. (Breathe.) Join the lilting throng.

*Hold Everything Dear, John Berger, p. 39

From Friday to Friday, 39

[When whatever ends up on my phone, ends up here.]

 

From Friday to Friday, 38

[When whatever ends up on my phone, ends up here.]

Today I am Writing: On the Slow

After a month away, I'm back to face my life. Head on.

Except that it's goin' kinda sloooow.

....

At first, this frustrates me. I have things to do! An impact to make on the world! Why can't I just get myself together?

Instead of rolling out of bed in the early hours to tackle my list, I sleep. I cannot seem to not sleep. But that might be ok, because, instead of making a list...I don't. And instead of reading all of the books and articles and interesting things, I gaze at the floor. Practically catatonic.

This goes against everything I believe in. (I am failing at life!)

But then. I just give myself to it. Instead of berating myself for the sleeping, I just let myself sleep. Instead of making the list, I just sit with my planner and look at it. (Lovingly, because I am a nerd, and I got a good one this year, including stickers. I look at my planner and place encouraging stickers in it. This is my life people, this is my life.) And I sit with the books and skim the words. I don't even try to take them in. I just let my eyes gaze.

And something begins to happen. Thoughts and ideas and overall competences that were wedged way down beneath my incessant need to do begin to leak out. They leak into every desolate spot, they fill and ooze and create within me. Deep transformation starts to happen, transformation that begins to move me of its own accord.

It's like a wave: Once it starts, it will reach its destination. And then it will pull back, and start again.

Each day becomes a more focused day. Not quite there yet, there is more to unfurl. But more and more I am ok with: It just needs to happen on the good and slow.

Meet Me In Mexico: Extra Edition

[When your friends take pictures too.]