Today I am Writing: On the Slow

After a month away, I'm back to face my life. Head on.

Except that it's goin' kinda sloooow.

....

At first, this frustrates me. I have things to do! An impact to make on the world! Why can't I just get myself together?

Instead of rolling out of bed in the early hours to tackle my list, I sleep. I cannot seem to not sleep. But that might be ok, because, instead of making a list...I don't. And instead of reading all of the books and articles and interesting things, I gaze at the floor. Practically catatonic.

This goes against everything I believe in. (I am failing at life!)

But then. I just give myself to it. Instead of berating myself for the sleeping, I just let myself sleep. Instead of making the list, I just sit with my planner and look at it. (Lovingly, because I am a nerd, and I got a good one this year, including stickers. I look at my planner and place encouraging stickers in it. This is my life people, this is my life.) And I sit with the books and skim the words. I don't even try to take them in. I just let my eyes gaze.

And something begins to happen. Thoughts and ideas and overall competences that were wedged way down beneath my incessant need to do begin to leak out. They leak into every desolate spot, they fill and ooze and create within me. Deep transformation starts to happen, transformation that begins to move me of its own accord.

It's like a wave: Once it starts, it will reach its destination. And then it will pull back, and start again.

Each day becomes a more focused day. Not quite there yet, there is more to unfurl. But more and more I am ok with: It just needs to happen on the good and slow.