The End of One Thing is the Beginning of Another

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking "Wow. Lauren is SO SMART. Look at that title. She really has a way of speaking the truth."

If I were a little needier, I might let you keep thinking it. I might point out to you that I am--after all--a Ph. D. candidate. I might point out to you that I have just successfully finished a three year journey of Ph. D. coursework. I might indicate that the end of coursework means I am beginning the next step: dissertation. I might suggest that only people who are SO SMART write dissertations.

But, I won't. As much as I appreciate your generous praise, I feel I should be honest: I didn't make that title up. I'm pretty sure I stole it from somebody, anonymous as they may be.

I stole it for good reason, of course--because I am not only at the end of my doctoral coursework.

I am also at the end of a very dear relationship, and I feel the need to process it. Mourn it. Remind myself that all good things must come to an end. And all ends bring new beginnings.

You see, I am writing this little bloggy for the last time on my faithful computer of 6 years:

With me through thick and thin, through paper after paper and presentation after presentation, through blog posts and emails and the tears and laughter that come with all of these things.

Faithful.

But even the most faithful of friends age. Even the most faithful of computers s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. And even the best intentioned ones cannot alleviate the fear in the heart of a girl just waiting for things to come crashing to a halt at just the most inconvenient moment.

And so, one day in the recent past, I had a conversation with a friend about the size of this laptop I carry with me everywhere, and about the fear that its glory days were over. And then, that very day, I came home to a flyer in the mail for a good deal on a new one. Later that week I received a sizeable tax refund. And I began to think that these things might be signs pointing me in a new direction. I began to think--it just might be time to step out in faith. To begin a new relationship. To buy a new computer.

And so, I did:

It is approximately the same size but half the weight.

Faster. Sleeker. Fancier. And, in a weird coincidence (or maybe not?), exactly the same amount of money when all was said and done as that tax refund I was talking about--like, to the dollar.

But, not in my heart, as of yet.

New relationships take time, after all.

And so, on my list of things to do today?

Recover from my semester.

Put away all of these papers and books that have multiplied near my desk over the past month.

Reflect on the fact that my student journey is taking a new direction, and try not to freak myself out.

And, get to know my new friend.

Should be a good day, if I consistently remind myself:

The end of one thing is the beginning of another, and beginnings are good things.