Time to Celebrate: Katela turns 5

Meet my good friend Kate:

She is in many ways a reincarnation of me; sometimes I watch her and wonder if we are in fact the same person. Fiercely protective of ourselves, quiet observers of the world, deep thinkers--we understand each other. And we protect each other. When confronted with a crowd, Kate will sometimes put her hand on my shoulder as if to say "she's with me. she's cool." Other times, she will tuck her hand in mine and hide beside me, as if to say "I'm gonna need you to take the lead on this one".

[Not to mention, as Kate frequently does with unwavering amazement--"our eyes are the same color! We must be related!!"]

This is how we spend most of our time together:

Or:
[The child, for inexplicable reasons, loves to sit on my head.]

This past week was a big event in Kate's little life: Her 5th birthday.

And--since she has me wrapped around her little finger--my contribution to her birthday celebration was the 3D sidewalk chalk that she had asked me for on more than one occasion:

"Please Lauren, please can you get me that? It is so cool!"

Who can resist such child-like excitement?

And who can not help but feel good about life when the package is ripped open with shrieks of joy and exclamations of "thank you thank you thank you!!!!!"-- the kind that only a 5 year old can get away with?

And then, though I had spent her actual day with her, I had to come back for the Strawberry Shortcake party that occurred last evening, with a gaggle of shrieking children at the helm. I had to come back because she had routinely told me I was the only adult invited, enough so that I knew she was counting on my presence.

But I also had to come back to support Heather & Ash in the midst of shrieking children, and to see this amazing Strawberry Shortcake cake: Because, let me tell you something--

It's a big deal to turn 5.

It's a big deal to have a Strawberry Shortcake party, and to obtain 3D sidewalk chalk.



It's a big deal to be surrounded by people who love you.



And it's a big deal to be blessed with friends that have become like family.

There ain't nothing else to do but celebrate!

The End of One Thing is the Beginning of Another

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking "Wow. Lauren is SO SMART. Look at that title. She really has a way of speaking the truth."

If I were a little needier, I might let you keep thinking it. I might point out to you that I am--after all--a Ph. D. candidate. I might point out to you that I have just successfully finished a three year journey of Ph. D. coursework. I might indicate that the end of coursework means I am beginning the next step: dissertation. I might suggest that only people who are SO SMART write dissertations.

But, I won't. As much as I appreciate your generous praise, I feel I should be honest: I didn't make that title up. I'm pretty sure I stole it from somebody, anonymous as they may be.

I stole it for good reason, of course--because I am not only at the end of my doctoral coursework.

I am also at the end of a very dear relationship, and I feel the need to process it. Mourn it. Remind myself that all good things must come to an end. And all ends bring new beginnings.

You see, I am writing this little bloggy for the last time on my faithful computer of 6 years:

With me through thick and thin, through paper after paper and presentation after presentation, through blog posts and emails and the tears and laughter that come with all of these things.

Faithful.

But even the most faithful of friends age. Even the most faithful of computers s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. And even the best intentioned ones cannot alleviate the fear in the heart of a girl just waiting for things to come crashing to a halt at just the most inconvenient moment.

And so, one day in the recent past, I had a conversation with a friend about the size of this laptop I carry with me everywhere, and about the fear that its glory days were over. And then, that very day, I came home to a flyer in the mail for a good deal on a new one. Later that week I received a sizeable tax refund. And I began to think that these things might be signs pointing me in a new direction. I began to think--it just might be time to step out in faith. To begin a new relationship. To buy a new computer.

And so, I did:

It is approximately the same size but half the weight.

Faster. Sleeker. Fancier. And, in a weird coincidence (or maybe not?), exactly the same amount of money when all was said and done as that tax refund I was talking about--like, to the dollar.

But, not in my heart, as of yet.

New relationships take time, after all.

And so, on my list of things to do today?

Recover from my semester.

Put away all of these papers and books that have multiplied near my desk over the past month.

Reflect on the fact that my student journey is taking a new direction, and try not to freak myself out.

And, get to know my new friend.

Should be a good day, if I consistently remind myself:

The end of one thing is the beginning of another, and beginnings are good things.

Killer Qualley Kooistra Kicks Another Year

There is this girl, her name is Kara.

I don't know where she came from,

but she suddenly came into my life

and fit quite naturally.

I think we will keep her around.

Happy Birthday KQK

We love 'ya!

What are you Grateful for?

This past weekend, after I made a grumpy face and some grumpy-ish comments in regard to all the work I had left to do with the rest of my day, a friend dismissed my grumpiness and asked me instead "What are you grateful for?" [Nothing like a little pressurized perspective taking, as I always say...] I answered him with some generic things, I peeked into some things that were maybe closer to my heart, and then I thought we were done.

I should have known that when God is trying to get your attention, you are never done--because, little did I know that this question would follow me through my week, perched on my shoulder, overlooking the wide variety of things that I have been called to do, reminding me:

God is just so so good.

You see, here I sit at the end of my doctoral class work, on the cusp of the next big step: comprehensive exam & dissertation. Here I sit, reflecting with awe and amazement and overwhelming peace on the journey that I have been brought on. I kicked and screamed my way through most of it, and still God was gracious to me: How many people can say that they have had the luxury to study completely unneccessary things, fascinating things, things that have made them so much more than who they were and who they had any hope to be?

On Wednesday I sat in my writing class and wrote following this prompt: I am a writer who...

I am a writer who...

Needs to believe I have something to say. There is enough in the world without my voice if I am just repeating someone else or filling up space.

I need to believe that I know what it is I want to say, to see clearly a path before me that I follow step by step.

I need to feel like my writing makes sense, like it leads people forward and makes them think, makes them comment, moves them further down their own path.

I need to write beautifully, poetically, engagingly, wittingly. I need to feel like my writing is aesthetic in its contribution. That it is more than ideas--that it is Art.

I am a writer who needs to write.

And I thought--since when did I become a writer? And I found that yes--a writer is who I am, and who I want to be. And I reflected on how I have been given time to develop this new aspect of my life.

Later that afternoon I sat at a piano with a 6 year old boy, who told me that it had been the worst day of his life. Not only had he been hurt 51 times at school, he had to leave home for his piano lesson before finishing the game he was playing. It was such a bad day, there were tears in his eyes and woe in his voice. And I listened to him, and I asked him questions, and I said "well, let's make it better with some piano playing", and at the end of it all he said "The piano is really challenging and interesting!" with a grin on his face and joy in his eyes. My heart squeezed a little bit at his preciousness and I thought "A teacher. A teacher is who I am, and who I want to be." I reflected on the time that I have been given to pursue the art of teaching, an art I never anticipated I would be a part of--and wouldn't be, if it were not for the gracious leading of a God who knows me better than I know myself.

And, later that evening, I had an unprecedented 2 hours to sit at a piano by myself and just play. I watched my hands move, watched my fingers know where to go, listened to the sounds that emerged, and thought to myself "How is it possible that I can do this?!" And I reflected on the years that I was given the time to just play play play, the years where 2 hours would have been a tragedy of a practicing day, so that I can now sit down at a piano and say "I am a musician--an accomplished one. It is who I am, and who I want to be."

So, I sit here now, reflecting on how beautifully God has woven together the pieces of what--on the surface--might look to be a scattered path. Reflecting on the expectation that what is next is most likely going to be something I never could have expected. Reflecting on the overwhelming gratitude in my heart for the shaping of a life that does not need to be so cool--but is.

And so my heart sings with the Psalmist (and probably some choirs of angels too),

You are my God, and I will give you thanks;

you are my God, and I will exalt you.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

[pause. Selah. reflect.]

his love endures forever.

Amen,

[and amen].

35 Years Ago Today...

...these 2 got hitched.

A few years later they had this adorable child.

(Who just continued to get cuter and cuter it would appear....)



Eventually they added another, not as cute, but with a bigger heart.
And then, before 'ya knew it, they'd added this little guy--
who stole the show with his curls and his laughter. Through the years they've shown their adorable, big-hearted, and laughing children how it is to live life committed to one another and what it really means to be adorable and adored, big-hearted and generous, and how to keep laughing through it all.

And, they've produced a beautiful family:


I'd say they're pretty lucky.

Happy anniversary kids.
It's fun to watch you live in your golden years,

so make the most of it ;-)
We love you, and are grateful for all you've done for us!

Convalescence? Nah--Conference!

So, the good people at the ER told me in no uncertain terms: Elevate. Ice. Crutch-it-up. Driving and unnecessary weight-bearing is not conducive to the healing process. Be a good girl.

I took this to mean: If you can find supportive shoes in your closet, wrap that dang foot up and go about your life. Crutches optional if you can manage without them.

So that is what I did: Because here's the facts--I had places to go! The Pennsylvania Music Educator's Conference was calling, and I was supposed to be there. I did, however, realize that driving myself to Pittsburgh and back was probably not a wise idea and so I gladly hopped (hobbled) into the car with these lovely ladies and our poster-presenting paraphernalia.
We took a mandatory McDonald's pit stop, because what is a road trip without fast food?

[I found that I actually enjoyed my bacon egg & cheese bagel, but maybe that's because I was inexplicably so hungry...]

We arrived in Pittsburgh in no time at all.

We set up our posters, because the only reason we were there was that our work had been accepted for the "poster session".
Now, let me tell you something about poster sessions:
They really are quite silly.

You stand next to the poster that took you 36 to 48 hours to make for exactly 1 hour. You avoid the eyes of the people who walk near you, because you are unsure if they just want to look, or if they want you to spout off everything you did in your study while their eyes glaze over.


It is awkward.
And yet, we Penn Staters know how to turn silly-awkward situations into silly-fun situations. It is one of our gifts.
So...

...we engaged in a small photo shoot while waiting for our spectators to meander over near us.




















[We had plenty of time, as no one seemed all that interested in our wing of things]

[I only ended up talking to one guy outside of my department through the whole thing...]




















[he at least seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say....]

[and asked questions that implied he had stood in my shoes himself, and was trying to redeem the situation...]

[I appreciated that my 6 hours in the car that day were not for naught, because I think I changed his life with my scholarship.]

Before catching my ride back,

I took a moment to reflect on the fact that I was returning to a sea of I have so much to do.

It's that time of year kids, but guess what?

It's my LAST season of end-of-semester class work EVER.

And, since my foot is feeling better by now, I'm kicking up my heels with glee.

Join me--it's fun ;-)

Just too good to not...

If you know me at all, you probably are already assuming that I have listened to pretty much none of the "doctor's orders" I received today. Until tonight. I realized that I needed to go and get a posterboard thingie for a presentation I have tomorrow, for which my ride to Pittsburgh is picking me up in the early AM. I was going to drive myself on over to Wal-Mart, but found that I was regretting my lack of listening. Hence, I called/gchatted my battalion of friends until I found a willing/available compadre to take me.

Here was his good fortune for agreeing to shuttle me around--

--the opportunity to accompany me as I shuttled my way through the store in this crazy thing.

(The welcome man at the door convinced us that this would be a better idea than those crazy crutches...He probably was painfully embarrassed for me and my lack of crutch-walking grace, and felt that he couldn't allow it to go on...)

I have to say--it was kinda humbling, kinda fun.

It caused me to laugh anyway, and laughter is always good! ;-)