Today I am Seeking {2}

I thought a word: Allegiance.

"I pledge allegiance, to this XYZ, because I think it will work out well for me."

There are allegiances I have made with intent
(I buy Boden, because their dresses are unique and long enough for my tall frame);
there are allegiances I have made with the blindness of my eye
(I buy Boden because I am white, privileged, american...).

There are allegiances of the "this is the way it has always been" kind.

(Is "Allegiance" related to the word "allege"? I claim that this thing will do what I think it will do. I swear that it will, I "declare it with positiveness" though I have yet to offer proof.)

I walk in allegiance every day; we all do.
The question is: Is my eye clear?
Look closer: My eyes are scarily sadly comatose blind.

(Look closer. Look close. Turn your eye inside.)

To evaluate allegiance, I must agree to die, to all that I have held as true, in order to arrive at Truth.

And so, today, I am Seeking. And, today, this is what I found:

But I do believe in something like composting for the soul: that if you can find life out of death, if you can use the smashed up garbage to bring about something new and good, however tiny, that's one of the most beautiful things there is. [S. Niequist, Bittersweet, p. 121.]

It doesn't feel like enough: There are lives at stake.
But maybe it's where we start, to agree to face the garbage we've carried, to agree to smash it up.
To agree that if I die to myself, there is Life, for someone else.