The Past Calls Me Forward

This past weekend found me traveling to Princeton to give a Saturday Seminar at Westminster Choir College on the history of the piano. The piano's past is intriguing, and much more complicated than most people know (this is often the case in life I'm finding...). I presented with my dear friend Kristen, and so I personally am grateful to the piano for changing so much since I love Kristen, and I love working with her. It gave us an excuse to see each other when otherwise we would not.

It also gave me an excuse to re-trace my life steps. You see, in order to get to Princeton from State College, one must travel through Harrisburg. In backward order then: State College, Harrisburg, Princeton. In frontward order: Lauren's life.

This re-tracing felt especially meaningful this time around and here's why: I feel like my life of the past 10 years chewed me up and spit me out here in State College, and I woke up one morning not knowing how I got here or why.

In an effort to keep my head above water I just kept going, but I felt like I was constantly stepping on pieces of myself that were laying around my feet, not entirely sure how they'd gotten there. The past year has involved putting back together some of the pieces that were worth keeping, and getting rid for good those that should never have been there in the first place.

My life-journey-in-backward-order was meaningful because it was a final step in my healing process; it allowed me to re-visit the essence of the girl that I was in those places and to remember the things that were important to me then that I had forgotten since. As I sat in peaceful prayer and reflection in my car, driving down roads I knew well and had driven many times before, I picked up some pieces that I want to take with me. I found in the Past some of the things I still want to call me Forward. And I left the rest behind.

I drove past my old house in Princeton and saw John Nash (of A Beautiful Mind) getting his mail next door, saw the grocery store down the street I used to walk to on Sunday afternoons, saw the pizza shop a few doors down that we'd get garlic knots from. I smelled the smells of the buildings at Westminster, and played the piano in Williamson Hall again for the first time in years. I saw my beloved piano professor, and met up with a woman I adore from the church I attended there at a high school musical that both her daughter and Kristen's sister were performing in.

Some other goodies I found in the past were a bit more superficial: Halo Farm ice cream, the mexican restaurant on the other side of the tracks that only real princetonians know about, witherspoon bread company and their ridiculous chocolate brioche.

I drank in memories. I found them to be good.

After leaving Kristen and her lovely husband Ben on Sunday morning, I drove north for a down-home meal of meatloaf and mashed potatoes at my parent's house with them and Keith & Marisa, a trip to the hospital to see my Grandmother (who is fine, but in for some tests...), and back to mom & dads for a game and dessert involving Cool-Whip. The evening found me sleepily curled on the couch watching Pinocchio next to my mother while my father ate his Sunday night bowl of cereal. I felt safe and warm, loved.

I left this morning, got taylor ham & egg on an everything bagel at the bagel store down the street with a giant cup of coffee, and hopped on Route 80 feeling like it's time to move forward. I'm ready. The only question that remains is--ready for what? I guess we'll see ;-)